The Meaning of Home
by
Phil Madsen, Expediter
(Written August 28, 2004. Edited November 29, 2005 for publication on SuccessfulExpediters.com)
As regular readers know, Diane and I have been selling our cars, house, and household goods (except keepsakes) over the last few months as we transition to life on the road as truckers. The house sale closed last week. It's all gone now.
We've established a new legal residence by renting space in a relative's house (voting registration, mail address, keepsake storage, where we eat and sleep when we return for family events). We now spend most of our time on the road in a truck owned by someone else. We're looking forward to moving ourselves and our on-road goods into a custom-built truck of our own one day.
It is taking time to adjust. We gave a friend power of attorney to close the house sale on our behalf while we stayed out on the road. When she told us the deal was done and she had given the house keys and garage door openers to the new owner, I worried about how we'll get in to put away the garden hoses when autumn comes and the ground freezes. When we think about going home, we have to think twice to remember we'll never go home to that house again.
It's odd. We've been working hard for several months to prepare the house for sale and get rid of it. Now that it's gone, we miss it. That will pass with time, we think.
Several expediter friends cautioned us against selling our house. They talked about the importance of having a private place of your own where you can come off the road and decompress. Most expediter teams we know own homes and do exactly that.
After considering that advice, we proceeded with the sale. Having been on the road several months, we have been back to the house several times. We found the breaks we took on the road were more peaceful than the so-called breaks at home. At home we were immediately faced with the many chores of home ownership, on the road we were not.
If selling our house turns out to be a mistake, we can buy another one. We didn't sell the house to buy a truck. The house-sale proceeds remain in the bank. The truck will be financed and paid for with our expediting earnings. If the need arises to establish an owned home base in the future, it would likely be a town home where exterior maintenance is provided. That would free us to stay on the road for extended periods without worrying about lawn care and snow removal. At present, we are free of that worry.
Regarding the need to decompress that our expediting friends told us about, they were correct. You can only run so long before you need a break. However, we feel no need to return to a home of our own to take a break. Taking a few days off, usually in a nice hotel, works just fine. It gives us time to catch up on any sleep we need, do the laundry, go through the mail that we have FedEx'ed to us, shine our shoes, clean the truck inside and out, and simply chill out for a while. After catching up on our little chores and spending a day or two doing nothing, we're ready to roll again.
Our housing changes and on-road experiences have prompted thoughts about the meaning of home. I've been asking folks we meet on the road what home means to them.
A single man said, "Home is where my pets are." Another man said, "Home is where my stuff is." When asked, "What is home to you?" some folks will give you an address or describe a building. It may be one they live in now or a dream house they hope to own some day. Others speak of home as the place they grew up, like a home town or neighborhood. When speaking about a home town or neighborhood, people usually have a group of people and shared experiences in mind.
For some, home is where you're from. For others, it's where you're headed. For still others, it's where you are. That seems to be the reality for Diane and me now. Home is where we are. It's no longer a piece of property and shared project at a particular address.
If Diane was in New Jersey and I was in South Dakota, each of us would be wanting to move toward the other. When we were together again, we'd be home. In that sense, home is where you want to be if you're not already there. The "where" could mean a building, a place in nature (like a cabin or favorite camp site), or in the presence of a certain person or group.
When mourning a death, Christians often speak about God taking someone home; meaning the person has gone to heaven. In that case, home is a place the deceased has never before seen and never before been.
It's good for the soul to think about what home means to you. It cuts through the distractions of the day and puts you in touch with the people, places, and things that you deem most important.