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Wednesday, July 1, 2009. We were up fairly early today; our appointments for the cardiologist were for 11:15 and 11:30 am. All went well, as was expected; Donna even managed to lose a few pounds.

Donna needed to go to Best Buy, the wireless printer she uses in the truck stopped working. We had purchased the extended warranty plan when we bought it so they just let us swap out the broken printer for a new one.

Our next stop was at a local eatery for an early dinner. While there Donna received a load offer. The load was an ASAP pickup and straight through delivery. The pickup was in Northern Vermont and delivered south of Newburg, NY. Donna told dispatch she would need about an hour to get to the truck and hit the road. We had already ordered and received our meals so we made fast work of finishing them.

I believe it was right around 6:00 pm when Donna pulled out of the driveway. I always hate to see her leave, but I was happy to have spent what little time we had together.

I settled in for a night of surfing through the channels on the boob tube. Blog Author Top of Page Bottom of Page

July 2-3, 2009. Tragedy struck my family on this early summer’s day in July.

If what follows sounds like I'm making this about me I don't mean to. I can't be objective in the telling of what happened, the effect on me was and still is profound. It encompasses my whole family, there is no doubt about that, but I feel I must intertwine my feelings with what happened. I can't do it any other way.

To my sister-in-law Theresa, my nephews David Scott, Mike, Cindy, their spouses and children, my heart goes out to you, and is with you. Please don't think I'm making this about me. I need to say the same to my mother and my siblings, as well as to the extended family members and friends.

I was checking my e mail at about 10:30 am when I received a call from my nephew David Scott, my brother David’s oldest son. He said my brother had gone into cardiac arrest a short while ago. He told me that the Para-medics had revived him and they were taking him to Memorial Hospital. I said I would meet him there. I later found out that my sister-in-law Theresa had been home when David had arrested and immediately cleared his airway and started CPR. After completing two rounds of CPR she stopped long enough to call 911.

As luck would have it an ambulance which happened to be an ACLS unit was only a block away. It was within a minute or so after receiving the call that they were on scene.

I ran downstairs and told my mother what had happened. I told her I would be back down in a few minutes to get her and head for the hospital. I next called Donna, who had made her delivery. I told her what had happened, hung up, ran back downstairs, got my mother and left for the hospital. The hospital was a quick ten minutes away. I drove with one hand calling my brothers and sister with the other, not a smart move, but I did it anyway.

While driving and talking on the cell phone I couldn't believe this had really happened. Not to David, not to my brother.

I kind of remember pulling up to the emergency room entrance, getting my mother out of the pickup truck and being handed a ticket by the valet parking guy. We rushed into the ER; I told someone why we were there and was taken to the cubical where my brother was. I remember seeing Theresa and David Scott. I also remember David Scott talking to me, I believe he said my brother was breathing and had a pulse, or something like that. My mother must have been there with me but I really don't recall.

I was there looking at my brother, nurses and doctors around him. They were administering medications through the IV lines the Para-medics had inserted in his veins and inserting other IV lines. I think they also had him on a ventilator, but I am not sure, it’s all surreal.

No! My brain is telling me, this had not happened to my brother.

I hear a steady long beep. David had just gone into cardiac arrest while I am looking on. I turn my head and see someone I know; it might have been Cindy, David’s daughter. I remember telling her to get David Scott over here. One nurse hits a button on the wall which brings more people into the room. Another nurse grabs a set of paddles yells clear and my brother’s body jumps as the electrical charge flashes through his body.

Tears appear and roll down my face. My mind screams for my younger brother. Don't die! Don't die! David, David don't die! God let him live!

The paddles that delivered the electrical shock and the med's the doctors pushed had brought him back, he is alive again. I look next to me and David Scott is standing next to me, tears rolling down his face for his father who just escaped deaths grip.

A few minutes later a doctor comes and tells us that they have to transfer David to Albany Medical Center as soon as they can get him stabilized, which they might not be able to do. He tells us David was down for eighteen minutes before the Para-medics could get a pulse. He tells us he doubts my brother will survive. He is also concerned about the eighteen minutes David was without a pulse. If he somehow did manage to survive he might have severe brain damage from lack of oxygen to his brain.

The family present looks at each other, none of us believing we will lose this man who means so much to us all.

My mind races with thoughts. David who will I go fishing with if you die? David you can't die, who will I call on the phone to just say hi, what’s up? David you're my younger brother, you can't die. I'm not feeling sorry for myself; my mind is just asking these questions.

The doctors and nurses manage to stabilize him. The ACLS unit that brought him to this hospital refused to leave him and will do the transfer to Albany Medical Center. We watch as they package my brother for the transport and place him in the ambulance.

I'm going to stop here for a little bit to give you a little insight about David.

My brother is very well known and respected in the community in which he has lived for the past thirty years. His son David Scott is a firefighter in that city; he is also the president of the local firefighters union. My brother’s wife Theresa’s nephew is on the police force. My brother knows most, if not all the law enforcement, fire and emergency medical responders in the city. They all know where he lives, including the address he lives at. When the call went out with my brother’s address I dare say every emergency vehicle in the small city responded.

David is one of the easiest going people I have ever known. He never gets flustered and also says things will work out, there’s no sense worry about it. He doesn't have a mean bone in his body. He’s one of those guys who everybody likes. I could take lessons from him on all of the above. He is dearly loved by his wife, children and grandchildren. He is very family oriented.

Upon arrival at Albany Medical Center he was taken immediately to the seventh floor. It just so happened that his cardiologist was on duty. He wanted to do an angio-cath on him. The entire family that was present was allowed to go up.

We were all upset. I think we all were doing a lot of praying. We were all trying to be as positive as we could. The words of the doctor at Memorial hospital haunted me, the part where he said that he doubted he would survive.

Minutes were like hours as we waited for word about David. Finally the cardiologist came out, we all gathered around him. The news wasn't good. David had arrested three more times during the procedure. They were able to bring him back each time. All his heart vessels were clear. They had inserted a small pump in his heart to assist it in beating. We were told they didn't know what caused him to go into cardiac arrest. We were also told that it was doubtful he would survive the night. And even if he did survive, because of the number of times he arrested he probably had massive brain damage. Right then and there something happened inside me. My insides shook, a part of me died right there on the spot.

I now had a mission. My brother would not die without me being by his side. My dear brother, you are not alone. We are not only brothers by blood, we are brother firefighters. I have never left a brother firefighter, and I'm not going to do so now.

They brought him to the CCU. He arrested three more times there. This was before they would let us in. We had not seen him since they transported him to Albany Med.

The doctor came out of the CCU; he brought us all into a little room in the CCU. He said it was doubtful he would survive the night. They brought us all to his room.

Tubes were going in and out of his body. IV lines everywhere. A Ventilator was breathing for him. This son, husband, father, grandfather, uncle, friend laying there. David are you still there, or are you gone?

With my mission set in my mind I made my way to the head of his bed. I stroked my brother’s head and I cried unashamedly. I remember my exact words “I have your back brother, I have your back”. All of us were crying for this kind gentle man. I can only convey my feelings here.

I don't know how long I stood there stroking David’s head and uttering those words. I do know I wouldn't leave. At some point Donna arrived. David’s son Mike and his wife arrived from Buffalo. Time past and it also stood still. Loved ones visited for long periods and left for a short break. They wanted me to take a break, I wouldn't do it.

There was Kleenex and I wiped his sweaty brow. I placed my hand on his chest. I asked God to take me and let my brother live. I cried. At one point I asked the nurse at what point do you say enough is enough just let him go home. She shook her head and said she didn't know.

At one point we are all in the room with David, most are saying fight, fight, you can do it. I'm telling him, I have your back brother. Go home if you need to. You don't have to fight. I love you brother, you can go home. My chest is heaving, my heart is crushed. I love you brother, I have your back.

I do remember talking to the nurse. I tell her about my brother. I tell her of our blood tie as well as our firefighter tie. We were both Para-medics, we were both lieutenants. She asks how long I am going to stand there. I tell her until it’s over, one way or the other.

The family comes in and out. We all are hoping for a miracle. A lot of tears are shed by us all.

The nursing shift changes at 11:30 pm. The nurse going off duty tells the new nurse that I stay no matter what happens.

A chair is brought for me. At first I ignore it. I see a washcloth in the room and ask if I can wet it to wipe David’s sweating face. The nurse wets it and hands it to me. I wipe his face and brow, I have your back brother is what I keep telling him. I look at him and tears come. I tell him to rest easy; I got your back brother.

David Scott’s wife Bonnie spends a lot of time with David also. Sometime we cry for him together.

Beverages have been brought to me by family members. Every once in a while I need to use the rest room. Bonnie usually stays with David while I go. Other family members are always coming in and out.

It’s about 01:00 am. I am sitting in the chair stroking my brother’s arm. I got your back brother.

It’s been an exhausting time for us all. The rest of the family knows I will not leave David’s side. He has survived so far. He has defied the odds given him. The family for the most part is resting on and off in the waiting room. Bonnie is with me much of the time.

It’s about 02:15. The nurse and nursing assistant are busy adjusting IV drips, adjusting David’s body, monitoring his vital signs. I sit for a while and then I stand. I wipe my brother’s face. I have your back brother, I love you.

My insides are all twisted up. My mind races with thoughts of life without my brother. I don't want him to die. I don't want him to be a shell of a person, which could happen due to the lack of oxygen to his brain from all the times he arrested. I would rather he pass into God’s hand. I have your back brother.

I am cold. The nurse on duty brings me a blanket. I drape it over my shoulders and cover my arms. I sit and stroke my brother’s arm. I'm here brother, I have your back.

I must have dosed off. I look up, there is my brother naked. The nurse and nursing assistant are wiping him down. It’s 03:13 am.

I am up the rest of the night. I am still wiping his face and brow. I stroke his head, David are you in there? I have your back brother. I love you. All these words I say to him are said out loud. If my brother is inside himself I know he will hear me.

At 07:30 am he has survived for twenty-four hours. Every minute gives you a minute I tell him. I am wasted inside and out. I am lightheaded, dizzy, my back hurts something terrible. I have your back brother, I love you.

The family intervenes. I am forced to leave my brother. They say I have seen him through the hardest time.

I say goodbye to David. I wipe his brow. I kiss his head. I have your back brother. I love you. I'll be back later.

I go home. I have a Diet Pepsi; I take a shower and go to bed. Blog Author Top of Page Bottom of Page

July 3-4, 2009. I woke up around 2:30 pm. Donna had gone to the market and picked up a vegetable platter, some fruit and dip while I was sleeping. We stopped downstairs to get my mother then left for the hospital.

We arrived at the hospital at about 5:00 pm. There is a waiting room just outside of the CCU and when we arrived it was full of family members and friends. Others had also brought finger foods; we added what we brought to the table with the rest.

We took turns staying next to David. Everyone wanted to see him and just be next to him. We all talked to him. He was very heavily sedated, but it made no difference, we still talked to him. I spent as much time as I could with him, wiping his face and head and placing cool washcloths on his forehead. Everyone that visited him did the same. The outpouring of love he received is indescribable.

David was still in critical condition. Though sedated, when someone talked to him he would sometime open his eyes and turn his head toward the person talking. I asked a doctor if he thought that my brother really heard us talking to him. The doctor said that he could hear voices but could not know who was talking or what was being said due to the level of sedation. They needed to keep him heavily sedated because the staff found out pretty quickly that he disliked the vent tube that was in his airway. When they would ease up on the calcium chloride which kept him sedated, he would get very agitated and try to reach up and pull the tube out. To me and the staff that was a good sign.

The cardiologist now thought that low potassium had caused my brother to go into cardiac arrest. They couldn't do any tests yet to confirm this was the cause due to his condition. The doctors at this point were still saying he probably wouldn't survive.

Donna, my mother and I stayed at the hospital until somewhere around 02:30 am. I didn't want to leave David’s side, none of the family did. I hadn't sleep well while I was home, and really felt beat up, I wanted to stay the night, as I had the previous one, but knew it would be better for my sake if I didn't. Theresa, David Scott, Mike, Cindy, and their spouses would watch over my brother this night. I knew he was in loving hands. Blog Author Top of Page Bottom of Page

Saturday, July 4, 2009. We were back at the hospital by about 12:30 pm. David has survived the first forty-eight hours, the hours the doctors said were the most critical.

The stress on Theresa and the other family members who stayed the night showed on their faces. They decided to get a hotel room at the hotel that was across the street from the hospital, and was connected to it by a skyway that crossed the street. Getting the room would allow them to shower and rest in shifts, at this point no one knew how long David would be in the CCU but for as long as he was there he would not be alone.

Forty-eight hours, how had he made it this long? The staff can hardly believe it, they say that it almost never happens when someone has arrested so many times. Every minute gives you a minute I tell my brother as I stand next to his bed. I have your back brother.

I can see the fireworks going off at the Empire State Plaza from David’s window. I tell him what they look like. This is one Independence Day none of us will forget.

We leave the hospital shortly after midnight, David is holding his own. David’s sons and daughter watch over him again tonight. Blog Author Top of Page Bottom of Page

Sunday, July 5, 2009. At 01:30 am, Donna is making a very large roasting pan of sausage and peppers to bring to the hospital later today. I think she said she bought ten pounds of sausage.

I'm not sure what time we go to bed, or get up in the morning, I do know that I don't feel like I slept, I'm betting the rest of the family feel the same way.

When we get to the hospital there is food all over the waiting room, no one is going to be hungry that’s for sure.

David is still with us. His fluid output is good, his heart is strong and they plan on taking out the small pump in his heart in a day or so. They have cut back on the ventilator; he is doing most of the breathing on his own. He is still heavily sedated. They are going to do a cat scan on him today, but because of the holiday weekend it has to be done in the emergency room CT. They also have to round up enough staff to move him down there.

Three days ago the doctors told us David won't survive the night. Today though not out of danger there is a complete reversal of thought. The only real question is did he suffer brain damage and if so, how much. They can't do an EEG on him due to the level of sedation he is still under.

Around 4:30 pm. They take David down for the CT; he is back within the hour. We now have to wait for the results.

By about 8:00 pm. David Scott asks the nurse when we will get the results of the CT. The nurse calls for a doctor who comes in a few minutes. We are told the CT showed everything was good, except for some fluid in his right lung. The doctor wants to wait and see if the fluid will be absorbed on its own. The doctor is optimistic but is concerned about the brain damage issue.

Family and friends are bolstered by the results of the CT. The doctors also want to take the small pump out of David’s heart tomorrow, as well as the take him off the ventilator.

Another long day and evening ends, David Scott and Mike will trade off and on staying with their father tonight. Mike’s wife Pam has to return to Buffalo, she is a teacher and will be teaching summer school starting tomorrow. Because David is doing so well Mike and Pam talked it over and decided she would go home. If he had not been doing well she would have stayed.

Donna received a load offer for tomorrow, we decided that she should take it; she left late this Sunday evening. Blog Author Top of Page Bottom of Page

Monday, July 6, 2009. By the time my mother and I arrived at the hospital this morning they had already taken the pump out of David’s heart. They decided to leave the ventilator in place because he had built up some mucus and it was easier to suction it out with the vent tube in place. The fluid in his right lung was being absorbed by his body; he is not as sedated as he was. He looks at people when talked to and responds to commands. Tomorrow they plan on taking out the vent tube.

Most of the IV lines have been disconnected from David, all that remains is a central line port and two ports in his arms, only one port is being used to administer medications.

We are concerned about the possible brain damage, but physically he is a living miracle. We are taking things as they come.

Since David has been in the hospital the family has been in almost constant contact with each other in person or by cell phone. We have literally slept with our cell phones every night.

I called Donna and told her the news about the heart pump being removed and what the doctors had to say, she was happy to hear the good news.

This day ends with me really believing David is going to live for the first time. Blog Author Top of Page Bottom of Page

July 7-9, 2009. When we get to the hospital the vent tube is gone and David is sitting slightly up in the bed. He is trying to talk in a harsh whisper. He isn't making much sense; the nurse says that this is normal for a person who has been as heavily sedated for as long as he was.

For the rest of the day he is really out of it, kind of in a fog, but he is alive.

The next day David is sitting up and talking. He remembers most people, but his short term memory isn't all that good.

The doctors decide that David will not need an EEG. They say his memory of what happened to him is gone. They say he will need rehabilitation to improve his memory.

By the ninth he has made great progress with his memory, his short term memory needs to be worked on. He forgets where he is and has other memory issues, but he is improving. The doctors say some of the problem with his memory is due to residual medication effect which will wear off. Blog Author Top of Page Bottom of Page

July 10-15, 2009. It was decided that David would go to a rehabilitation center on Monday. David is up and walking but is a little unsteady. We bring in pictures and ask him if he knows the people in the pictures and if he recognizes places. At first he falters quite a bit, but the more we ask him to do the better he gets at it.

Over the weekend he has made great strides with his memory, and is a lot steadier on his feet.

The doctors think that past chemotherapy might have caused some kidney damage to David that caused his potassium level to drop, which caused him to go into cardiac arrest. They are going to run some tests to see if that is the case.

On Monday he is transferred to the rehab center. Theresa called and said he was asking for me, I hadn't planned on going to see him because visiting hours are only from 5:00 to 8:00 pm, and he didn't get transferred until late in the afternoon. Once Theresa called me I was up there by 6:30 pm.

I brought my mother with me and when we arrived David was taking a nap. I debated if I should wake him or not and decided I would. He woke up right away. He knew where he was, knew he was there for therapy, what he had for dinner, and remembered that the nurse had given him his medication after he ate. Theresa, Bonnie and David Scott came in the room a few minutes later. Cate, David Scott and Bonnie’s daughter was with them also. We stayed until the end of visiting hours.

They evaluated David on Tuesday. After working with him during the day the staff decided he could do just as well home and go to an outpatient rehab center three times a week.

David was discharged early Wednesday afternoon. I talked to Theresa briefly by cell phone while they were at the rehab center.

Later around 6:30 pm, I called my brother’s home phone for the first time since June 30, and talked to my brother. He answered the phone, we talked for a little while, he isn't 100% but he is really doing well.

He has to be watched 24/7 so he doesn't wonder where he shouldn't. He can't drive or cook, which he loves to do. The doctors say it could take weeks, months, or years to be back to his old self. Then again he might never be 100%.

I'm going over to see him tomorrow. We plan to go out for a walk. I'm going to be spending a lot of time with my brother; I'm one of his care givers.

I have your back brother. I love you. Blog Author Top of Page Bottom of Page